Five years have passed since the day I lost my husband John (1826 days), and not a day goes by when I don’t think about him. The memories of our life together, the laughter we shared, and the love we had for each other, and yet, it feels like an eternity since I last heard his voice or felt his embrace. In those early days of grief, I struggled to find meaning in life without him. I felt weak, lost, and alone, even though I know I wasn’t. I had the boys, family, and friends who had also lost a spouse and I had also met someone new. Together we all helped one another and were grateful for the incredible gift of those we had lost.
My husband and I were blessed to have had 23 beautiful years together. We worked on many projects, raised our boys (Johnny and Joey), and built a life filled with love, joy, and lots of laughter. My husband was my rock, my best friend, and my soulmate. Even now, I still feel his presence with me, guiding me through life’s difficult decisions.
Five years just seems so long ago and I would be lying if I said I don’t shed tears on this day, April 17th. How can I not? When I look back on our time together, I am filled with gratitude. I am blessed for every moment we shared, every memory we made, and every obstacle we overcame. And even though he is no longer here with me, I know that our love will always endure.
My husband was truly one of a kind. He had an immense capacity to be kind and gentle. His energy brought calm and steadiness into my life and all those around me. I always felt safe and secure in his presence, knowing that he would never judge or criticize me.
He had a way of making me feel loved and cherished, even on my worst days. Whenever I was struggling, he was always there to offer a listening ear and a kind word. He provided me with a sense of comfort and reassurance, and I knew that I could always count on him to be there for me.
He never held a grudge, and he never let resentment or bitterness take hold of his heart. No matter what mistakes I made or how badly I messed up, he loved me. Perhaps even more remarkable was the ability to love me when I couldn’t love myself. This unselfish love te gave me the courage to forgive and heal my life.
So as I reflect on these past five years, I miss him more than words can express, but I am also grateful for the incredible life we shared. He will always hold a special place in my heart, and I know that his love will continue to inspire me to write, to love everyone, even those sometimes difficult to love, to guide me in making decisions that are best for me (the bull in a china shop) for the rest of my days.
Today, his presence continues to soak into my heart. It continues to lay the groundwork for how I move forward in life, and what motivates me to love with an open heart.
I am still missing you five years later.
Luv, Luv,
Julie 💙
